I was 16 years old when I decided to give my life to the Lord. It was the spring semester of my senior year in high school. I was getting ready to go off to college and I knew it would be a good idea to have God on my side if I wanted to succeed.
Salvation was not what I expected. And since then, life has not been what I expected, either.
As I enter this new genre in my life, I am revisiting this time and relishing in the fact that although the flavor was different, the taste was still good. Salvation from the outside appeared a lot different from actual experiences. True Christianity sticks a big mirror in your face, shows you how jacked up you are, then gives you the tools you need to be more like Christ. No, I'm not an overnight sensation, but I know that as I continue to submit myself to the truth, I will be made free. And that's all I ever wanted to be.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Brave New World
Recently, I decided to inject death to my obsession with social networking sites. Although I did not close my accounts, I did remove them from my iPhone. My lack of computer use does leave my accounts on life support. It's interesting how much time I spent following the lives of people I rarely, if ever, talk to in person or on the phone. Is conversation dead??
The attachments to Facebook and Twitter were immobilizing for me. It was challenging the first few days to really let go. But now it's like a breath of fresh air. Being in the loop made me feel included. Being outside the loop, however, isn't less inclusive, just different. I no longer have a play-by-play outline of your day, info on who was being stupid at your job, a new cause you want me to support, or access to your vacay photos, but somehow I receive the important information in a timely fashion. Introspection has caused me to realize that if I want to change the world, I'm going to have to start sooner than later. Watching you live your life has not brought me one step closer to my dreams. It's time to stop watching, talking and tweeting, and time to start being about my bizness!!
The attachments to Facebook and Twitter were immobilizing for me. It was challenging the first few days to really let go. But now it's like a breath of fresh air. Being in the loop made me feel included. Being outside the loop, however, isn't less inclusive, just different. I no longer have a play-by-play outline of your day, info on who was being stupid at your job, a new cause you want me to support, or access to your vacay photos, but somehow I receive the important information in a timely fashion. Introspection has caused me to realize that if I want to change the world, I'm going to have to start sooner than later. Watching you live your life has not brought me one step closer to my dreams. It's time to stop watching, talking and tweeting, and time to start being about my bizness!!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Gaps of Loss
This week I was thinking about how different my life is without people who are no longer apart of my life. Either by death or circumstance, I have been separated from many people along the way. Many of them have been women who helped raise me. I've missed them a lot lately, as I wonder what things would have been like if they were still around. I really wish they were still here to encourage me and cheer me along. I'm quite sure things would have been extremely different if they were still around.
And then there's the others who aren't here because they were only for a season. I still wonder where life has taken them, if they ever achieved the goals they set out to accomplish. I smile at the memories and pray for the best, hoping that if it's God's will our paths will cross and we can share good news in passing.
As we get older, our lives become more and more like swiss cheese. As we lose people, there are more and more holes left vacant in our lives. We lose apart of ourselves in the process. But it is my prayer that God would fill the holes and keep me whole and sane in order to accomplish His will until my time comes.
And then there's the others who aren't here because they were only for a season. I still wonder where life has taken them, if they ever achieved the goals they set out to accomplish. I smile at the memories and pray for the best, hoping that if it's God's will our paths will cross and we can share good news in passing.
As we get older, our lives become more and more like swiss cheese. As we lose people, there are more and more holes left vacant in our lives. We lose apart of ourselves in the process. But it is my prayer that God would fill the holes and keep me whole and sane in order to accomplish His will until my time comes.
Labels:
flashback,
holding my head high,
i've been thinking
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Weaknesses
Five years ago I got my prophecy. I'll never forget the first words. It's a phrase that's ricocheted in my soul before any of the spectators even knew my name. Before I understood what the words meant. Words I couldn't vocalize because I didn't want to breathe them into the atmosphere, causing my world to come crashing down around me.
"The Lord says that you don't fit in."
It's my thorn. The thing that won't be removed from my side. My life. Sometimes it feels like a stake. I'm not an outcast, just a puzzle piece in the wrong box. But my stake has also become a crutch. So I bounce from trying to be the social being that I know I am to sitting alone in my apartment all day with nothing but electricity, water and oxygen. The inability to find balance between the two is disheartening.
Honestly, sometimes I think I'm going crazy.
God's Word declares that His strength is made perfect in weakness. My weakness takes on many faces at once, never running out of ways to reveal itself. But I find comfort in knowing that the awkwardness I feel all melts in the presence of God. Often it's the only place where I feel normal. Like I do fit in. Like all of me is okay. Even the craziness.
"The Lord says that you don't fit in."
It's my thorn. The thing that won't be removed from my side. My life. Sometimes it feels like a stake. I'm not an outcast, just a puzzle piece in the wrong box. But my stake has also become a crutch. So I bounce from trying to be the social being that I know I am to sitting alone in my apartment all day with nothing but electricity, water and oxygen. The inability to find balance between the two is disheartening.
Honestly, sometimes I think I'm going crazy.
God's Word declares that His strength is made perfect in weakness. My weakness takes on many faces at once, never running out of ways to reveal itself. But I find comfort in knowing that the awkwardness I feel all melts in the presence of God. Often it's the only place where I feel normal. Like I do fit in. Like all of me is okay. Even the craziness.
Labels:
i don't know,
peace in the storm?,
sigh
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Spawn of Satan?
Am I really a heathen if I don't attend every service, class or workshop held at church? Since when is attending one service on Sunday instead of both a measure of godliness? I am the first to admit that my relationship with God is overdue to be taken to the next level, but because I don't punch my ticket five times a week doesn't make me less of a Christian. I love God. Yes, He knows my heart, but that's not my excuse, nor is it ever a good excuse (it's wicked, duh!). I just want to be loved where I am minus the name calling and stares.
Please and thank you.
Please and thank you.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Raw and Uncut
It all boils down to rejection and abandonment.
As life rolls down its bumpy road, I've embarked on a quest to love God and allow Him to love me. And in doing so, I have to face the music more than I bargained for. The process never fails to be painful, but God proves to be faithful. For one, I never thought I'd be where I am today. My life took a detour (to say the least) that I've just now begun to forgive myself for. My cloud wasn't just silver lined, however, but now I know it was a silver cloud.
But now moving forward there's a weight holding me down. I can't make true relationships because I have a timer in my head that ticks and reminds me that there's no need to try because once they find out the real me, then they'll be gone. I'm always on the defense, just in case someone decides to pack their bags and leave, because I want to protect myself from the endless cycle of rejection and abandonment.
I think it started when I was a kid, but has grown extensively over these last five years. Life's lessons can leave you bloodied and bruised and the people you trust the most are usually the offenders.
I just want to be loved and accepted for who I am. And for the most part, I believe I am, but it only takes one thing to send them fleeing. So I walk on eggshells and hold back in hopes that it will be enough. But I don't want to play this game anymore. I don't know what it takes to move forward, but I hope this time I won't abort the mission before it's complete.
As life rolls down its bumpy road, I've embarked on a quest to love God and allow Him to love me. And in doing so, I have to face the music more than I bargained for. The process never fails to be painful, but God proves to be faithful. For one, I never thought I'd be where I am today. My life took a detour (to say the least) that I've just now begun to forgive myself for. My cloud wasn't just silver lined, however, but now I know it was a silver cloud.
But now moving forward there's a weight holding me down. I can't make true relationships because I have a timer in my head that ticks and reminds me that there's no need to try because once they find out the real me, then they'll be gone. I'm always on the defense, just in case someone decides to pack their bags and leave, because I want to protect myself from the endless cycle of rejection and abandonment.
I think it started when I was a kid, but has grown extensively over these last five years. Life's lessons can leave you bloodied and bruised and the people you trust the most are usually the offenders.
I just want to be loved and accepted for who I am. And for the most part, I believe I am, but it only takes one thing to send them fleeing. So I walk on eggshells and hold back in hopes that it will be enough. But I don't want to play this game anymore. I don't know what it takes to move forward, but I hope this time I won't abort the mission before it's complete.
Labels:
i don't know,
i've been thinking,
vunerable
No Difference
At church, I'm always moved when Pastor says that Jesus would have suffered all the shame and pain and died on the cross if I were the only one on the planet. And I believe him. God's love can make you feel like you're the only one on the planet. Like you're unique, special and understood. He sees the quirkiness and silliness and corniness and isn't turned away. He knows my greatest fears, deepest hurts and isn't shaken. He knows the real me, better than I know myself, and is cool with the complete package. Like that one friend that hangs around through your foolishness and loves you just the same. I can be me and know He's not going anywhere.
But sometimes I forget that just like Jesus would have died just for me, only me, he would have died for only her, too. Or him for that matter. Because that's God. He loves that person, just as much as me...
***Stop and rewind***
...JUST AS MUCH AS ME
I'm not any better than her or him. And nothing I can say or do will ever change that. This isn't a 'crabs in a barrel' type of thing. I don't have to fight for my Daddy's love. There's enough to go around. And there always will be.
But sometimes I forget that just like Jesus would have died just for me, only me, he would have died for only her, too. Or him for that matter. Because that's God. He loves that person, just as much as me...
***Stop and rewind***
...JUST AS MUCH AS ME
I'm not any better than her or him. And nothing I can say or do will ever change that. This isn't a 'crabs in a barrel' type of thing. I don't have to fight for my Daddy's love. There's enough to go around. And there always will be.
Labels:
acceptance,
i've been thinking,
revelation
Thursday, August 5, 2010
The Valley
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
-Psalm 23:4
Going the the valley of the shadow of death is not so much about laying in the hospital bed with the priest reading your last rite. Death is a process for the living as well. As we grow and move forward, death is inevitable. Situations arise in which we have to choose to life. But life requires death to the old man, the ways of the world and all that will hinder us. And through the process, God promises to accompany you and comfort you. There will be some hard pills to swallow and fear will try and grip your heart, but allow the water from God's word and the peace found in His presence to guide you through.
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
-Psalm 23:4
Going the the valley of the shadow of death is not so much about laying in the hospital bed with the priest reading your last rite. Death is a process for the living as well. As we grow and move forward, death is inevitable. Situations arise in which we have to choose to life. But life requires death to the old man, the ways of the world and all that will hinder us. And through the process, God promises to accompany you and comfort you. There will be some hard pills to swallow and fear will try and grip your heart, but allow the water from God's word and the peace found in His presence to guide you through.
Labels:
moving forward,
pushin and pressin,
revelation
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Bittersweet Dreams
I've been having these dreams lately about people being led astray. First it was a general group of people, then it was a family member.
1. I don't take my dreams lightly.
2. I'm not a fan of deception of any kind.
3. I know what I need to do, but not sure how to get there.
It's like I'm being called, drawn all over again. Now it's my time to answer.
1. I don't take my dreams lightly.
2. I'm not a fan of deception of any kind.
3. I know what I need to do, but not sure how to get there.
It's like I'm being called, drawn all over again. Now it's my time to answer.
Labels:
do it god,
facing the music,
whats really going on
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Smith -vs- Case
I'm still Niesha Smith. Because when they say Mrs. Case, I look over my shoulder. When I see the Niesha + Case, it just doesn't click. Because I still want to be a Smith. I still want to be me.
Labels:
acceptance,
i don't know,
upside down smile
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Give and Take
Marriage is completely different from single life. It's extremely wonderful, especially when you're with the One. When I look into his eyes I know there's security for my soul. And his embrace lets me know how safe he will keep me. I love his smile and even his frown. There's peace in my heart that's incomparable.
I'm still afraid of what the future holds. I can still see the fork in the road in the distance when I peek over my shoulder. I can make out the shape of the sign, the patches in the grass where former feet have traveled. U turns looks possible, but it's a mirage. And it's not like I want to go back, I'm just a little taken aback by all this change. The old way is familiar. Easy. But I must press forward and in time the former will be a distant dream.
I love my husband with everything I'll ever have. I trust him and believe in him. At this point, as the crossroad still captures my gaze, I must learn to trust Him and allow his voice to lead each footstep. Each day, each moment is so critical. And moving forward in love with my best friend and biggest fan is worth it all!
I'm still afraid of what the future holds. I can still see the fork in the road in the distance when I peek over my shoulder. I can make out the shape of the sign, the patches in the grass where former feet have traveled. U turns looks possible, but it's a mirage. And it's not like I want to go back, I'm just a little taken aback by all this change. The old way is familiar. Easy. But I must press forward and in time the former will be a distant dream.
I love my husband with everything I'll ever have. I trust him and believe in him. At this point, as the crossroad still captures my gaze, I must learn to trust Him and allow his voice to lead each footstep. Each day, each moment is so critical. And moving forward in love with my best friend and biggest fan is worth it all!
Labels:
flying high,
i love my man,
moving forward
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Remembering
How many times did we go to Great America when I was little? And let's not forget the family trek to Disneyland every year with whoever wanted to come. We always had someone living with us or coming over for Sunday dinner. The house was always full of love. She made sure I was in church every Sunday, even if she didn't go. She'd wake up, comb my hair, get me dressed and have me wait for a ride, all while listening to her Mahalia Jackson Record. I learned Bible verses in Sunday School, how to praise God in the children's choir and how to act in the church plays. And how long was I in the best private schools she could afford and eventually skipped 1st grade because she sat up with me every night from the age of three teaching me how to read? She taught me how to clean since I can remember, getting up every Saturday cleaning the house watching Soul Train, then taking the car for its washing then going to the mall for the weekly shopping trip. Yes, she created a princess at a young age. I was spotted rolling in my Barbie Corvette at age four with the top down. And what mom do you know steps in to coach her daughter's 5th grade volleyball team, when the team was at risk of being cancelled? She had no formal training besides the family BBQ games every year, but led the most despised team in the league to win the championship. We moved to Antioch that winter so I could stand by the windows without the fear of a stray bullet and play outside with more than a five foot radius from the front door. But that was the coldest winter we'd ever seen. And the defroster in our '89 Oldsmobile met it's match and died a quick painless death. We had to drive the 1 hour trip to SF every morning for school and work with the windows down so the air from outside could allow her to see through the windshield. That's when layering gained significance. High school brought about more friends and more people who respected and feared my mom. The teachers and office staff knew her by name, which provided more eyes on campus than I desired. When I graduated, I think the school missed my mom more than me from all the check ins and calls she made for me and my sphere of friends. Her hard work paid off and helped me achieve a scholarship for college. And although my road had a few detours, she stood in my corner and reminded me who I was and who I was created to be. Six years later, the degree arrived in the mail and was given right to her, because that's who it belongs to.
Today I choose to not forget the sacrifices made by my mother. She gave her life for me these past 25 years to make sure that I would not just be good, but I would be the best me I could be. I watched the struggle, seen the tears and admired the perseverance. She has been my biggest fan and worst critic. She's seen me through the ups and downs and loved me when I didn't know the true meaning of love. She was patient, she was kind, she did boast a bit, but tried to keep a very small record of my wrongs. She never gave up, never lost faith, was always hopeful and endured though every circumstance. Because of her I am a daughter, sister, friend, believer, tomorrow I'll become a wife and in a few years a mother. I am fully persuaded that God knew what He was doing when he appointed Phyllis Marie to the position of mother.
I am eternally grateful.
Today I choose to not forget the sacrifices made by my mother. She gave her life for me these past 25 years to make sure that I would not just be good, but I would be the best me I could be. I watched the struggle, seen the tears and admired the perseverance. She has been my biggest fan and worst critic. She's seen me through the ups and downs and loved me when I didn't know the true meaning of love. She was patient, she was kind, she did boast a bit, but tried to keep a very small record of my wrongs. She never gave up, never lost faith, was always hopeful and endured though every circumstance. Because of her I am a daughter, sister, friend, believer, tomorrow I'll become a wife and in a few years a mother. I am fully persuaded that God knew what He was doing when he appointed Phyllis Marie to the position of mother.
I am eternally grateful.
Labels:
flashback,
I'm so grateful,
thank you jesus
Monday, June 28, 2010
The Aisle Journey
I am really enjoying this time with family and friends as I begin closing this book in my life. This is what I wanted because in my heart, this is what it's all about. Yes, I still have a laundry list to complete in the next five days (and yes, laundry is one of those things), but I'm not stressing over anything. I want these last days to be ones where I laugh so hard I cry, where I learn something new about people I've known for years, and where I tell everyone that meant something to me along the way that I love them. As I mature, my goal is that my loved ones never have to question my love for them. They will know because they heard it flow directly from my lips and onto their hearts. My prayer is that they will enjoy this moment as much as Floyd and I are.
Labels:
a long time coming,
i heart love,
worth the wait
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Crossing the Threshold
Starting tomorrow I will be inside the 30 day mark. I told myself that I would enjoy my last single days as much as possible. I want to close this book in my life with meaning and truth. That means tapping into the heart of God to hear His voice and direction. It includes appreciating where I've been, what I've done and what God's brought me through. I'll thank my mom and love on her, assuring her I'll still just be a phone call away. I'll prepare to leave the nest while finding branches and twigs suitable for me to start my own. I'll shed the girl and step into the woman: fine, strong, humble and annointed.
Labels:
a long time coming,
i've been thinking,
smiley face
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Dear Daddy
There's a vacancy in my heart
Where your love should have been
the bedtime stories
forehead kisses
first date
and the broken heart made whole by your hand
but instead there's bittersweet
pseudo memories
and what ifs
And although you love from afar
it still feels like
square peg in round hole
a cavern of doubts and fears
separated by time, space and relationship
In all this I know God has His hand on me
on us
guiding us through this quandary of emotions
hoping just for once we wouldn't
ignore
the elephant in the room
the unanswered questions
the longing in our souls
for the wrongs the be made right
desiring forgiveness to take root
in both our hearts
praying for the moment you look into my eyes and call me daughter
and there's a peace in my heart
because I know what we have is real
genuine
authentic
and shaped in reality
Where your love should have been
the bedtime stories
forehead kisses
first date
and the broken heart made whole by your hand
but instead there's bittersweet
pseudo memories
and what ifs
And although you love from afar
it still feels like
square peg in round hole
a cavern of doubts and fears
separated by time, space and relationship
In all this I know God has His hand on me
on us
guiding us through this quandary of emotions
hoping just for once we wouldn't
ignore
the elephant in the room
the unanswered questions
the longing in our souls
for the wrongs the be made right
desiring forgiveness to take root
in both our hearts
praying for the moment you look into my eyes and call me daughter
and there's a peace in my heart
because I know what we have is real
genuine
authentic
and shaped in reality
Labels:
floetry,
i've been thinking,
journey
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Storm Before the Calm
Pretty hectic since Friday. I went to see my cousin Ricky in ICU Friday morning and by the afternoon, he was on life support. He had a good day Saturday, but now he's worse than before. All of this on top of everything else...I've learned that I can't always react immediately based on how things look. God is in control. No matter how cliche it sounds, when it's from the heart, it takes on a totally different importance. And yes, I'm back to feeling a bit overwhelmed, but I believe God when he says, "My grace is sufficient". I'm learning to be like Jesus when he had the peace of God while it stormed all around. When He's ready, He'll say "Peace, be still" and we'll move onto the next obstacle.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
True Colors


Floyd and I absolutely LOVE your engagement photos!! It's so funny how we both just stared at them in amazement because we were shocked that we were looking at ourselves. We look good and we look good together. We both have our own issues about our appearance and I think we both had a boost of self esteem yesterday. I'm elated at what God is doing for us and excited that our love for each other and our personalities are showing through our photos. When you just let go and let God, He'll take care of it and surprise you every time.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Unbeweaveable
It's so interesting how much more "attractive" I am since I have this hair flowing down my back. I have received so many complements since I got this weave, that I've lost count. I'm personally not a huge fan of it. It's hard to maintain, it itches and it doesn't look like me. I was ready to take it out the day after I got it, but I don't feel like figuring out something to do with my own hair. Catch 22?
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Inspired Introspection
The kid in me wants to fight and argue with my fiancee to prove I have a voice in our relationship instead of hearing his heart and embracing the strong black woman I already am, which isn't measured in tone, volume, or neck rolls. Instead of believing the fact that he already sees beauty, love and the God in me, I feel the need to remind him with mindless bickering of facts that prove to be fiction. And in this I take for granted the blessing God has placed right in my hands to comfort me, cultivate me and embrace me. The fact is, he's one of the only ones that sees the bareness of my soul and is in love with the whole package. Forever. He's already said yes. Now it's time for me to put on my shades, call shotgun and enjoy the ride.
Labels:
blessed,
growin and its showin,
i love my man
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Whoa there Cowboy!
As a disclaimer, I have to say that Floyd moving into the apartment early actually has been a good thing. I've learned a lot about our living styles in 1 1/2 weeks that I wouldn't have known before. Yes, he lives there alone, but I visit occasionally. It's interesting how much you learn by just sitting and watching behaviors. People give you straight up clues to how they feel, how they prefer to live and be treated accordingly. Our backgrounds are so different, and it's evident when there's only you two and a plethora of white blank walls. But I'm happy to be learning these lessons early. I have to be more gentle and less rough. Women don't realize the power they have to set the tone in the relationship. This is where the true love kicks in. And I know it's real because even when it's challenging I know there's no other place for me.
Labels:
i choose to stand,
i love my man,
sigh
Friday, April 16, 2010
Satisfaction Guaranteed!
We did it!!
We got the keys and began to make our house (or apartment for lack of a better term) a home. I am so excited. I've been in a holding pattern for quite a while. God's been having me wait. It wasn't harvest time yet. But now I can put my wheels down and get ready to land. It's so nice to see the ground beneath me, ready to hold me once my wheels touch ground. All my hard work was worth it. I'm ready to eat some fruit!!
We got the keys and began to make our house (or apartment for lack of a better term) a home. I am so excited. I've been in a holding pattern for quite a while. God's been having me wait. It wasn't harvest time yet. But now I can put my wheels down and get ready to land. It's so nice to see the ground beneath me, ready to hold me once my wheels touch ground. All my hard work was worth it. I'm ready to eat some fruit!!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Bummed
I've had a couple bummy days this week. Just really tired of running around and never being able to enjoy the satisfaction of completion. I think I'm going to set up a couple runaway activities every other week to get away from it all. Working hard should allow you to play just as hard, but I haven't taken any play breaks lately. What do you do for fun??
Labels:
pooped and scooped,
upside down smile
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Tonight She Cried
I was talking to one of my co-workers tonight about how worn down I've become from working all hours of the night, then turning around and having to work through the day, go to school, and plan this wedding. Honestly, I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself to perform. But this week I learned that I don't have to perform. I have to live and watch God work. And He's working on me and Floyd. Having the ability to work two jobs is a blessing, but it shouldn't become a burden. God said He would supply my needs according to His riches in glory, not the riches I try and kill myself to obtain. It's already done.
As I was sharing my life lesson she began to cry. She told me she had been praying for me to know that God was taking care of it and she was happy to hear that her prayers had been answered. I never asked her to pray for me. Never complained that I was overwhelmed. But I'm grateful. I've only been here two months and now I see that God did have a plan when He moved me here. It is such a blessing to know that people are praying for you when you don't have the strength or the right mind to pray for yourself.
Thank you Ms. Val.
As I was sharing my life lesson she began to cry. She told me she had been praying for me to know that God was taking care of it and she was happy to hear that her prayers had been answered. I never asked her to pray for me. Never complained that I was overwhelmed. But I'm grateful. I've only been here two months and now I see that God did have a plan when He moved me here. It is such a blessing to know that people are praying for you when you don't have the strength or the right mind to pray for yourself.
Thank you Ms. Val.
Labels:
I see you God,
I'm so grateful,
smiley face
Friday, April 9, 2010
I am Vegan, Hear Me Roar!
I started my vegan diet for my class yesterday. It's actually not bad. I think when you focus on the fact that you're losing something, you become overwhelmed. Eating as much fruit and vegetables as you want really isn't torture.
Here's a list of what you can eat on the plan:
1 cup of beans per day
Unlimited fruit (at least 4/day)
Unlimited cooked green vegetables (at least 1 lb per day)
1 oz of raw nuts per day
Tofu
Eggplant, mushrooms, peppers, onions, tomato and other non-starchy vegetables, cooked and raw (unlimited)
That's a lot of choices, my friend! It's all about planning and preparing. And watching the pounds melt away...
Here's a list of what you can eat on the plan:
1 cup of beans per day
Unlimited fruit (at least 4/day)
Unlimited cooked green vegetables (at least 1 lb per day)
1 oz of raw nuts per day
Tofu
Eggplant, mushrooms, peppers, onions, tomato and other non-starchy vegetables, cooked and raw (unlimited)
That's a lot of choices, my friend! It's all about planning and preparing. And watching the pounds melt away...
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Here I Am
These last couple months are proving to me more challenging than expected. More than ever, I have to say this is all God's grace on my life. His hand has held back the true weight and pressure of it all. So many people have asked how I'm doing it, and I find myself stuttering to find an answer. In all honesty, it's truly God because I don't know how. I get freaked out when I look and see everything I'm juggling right now, but I'm learning what walking by faith and not by sight really looks like. I can't see the outcome right now, but I know it is well.
I choose to believe the report of the Lord!!
Here I am
I'm still standing
Here I am
After all I've been through
I've survived
Every toil, every snare
I'm alive
I'm alive
I choose to believe the report of the Lord!!
Here I am
I'm still standing
Here I am
After all I've been through
I've survived
Every toil, every snare
I'm alive
I'm alive
Labels:
moving forward,
pushin and pressin,
thank you jesus
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Graveyard Shift
There's a special bond formed within a group of people all struggling to stay awake for the sake of job security. You learn the ropes very quickly by developing a system aka methods to the madness.
Perks:
Peace and quiet. Well that's if you don't count the laboring mommies.
Pleasant co-workers.
Work efficiency.
Night differential.
Enjoying the sunrise on the drive home.
Home. Ahh...What a distant thought.
Perks:
Peace and quiet. Well that's if you don't count the laboring mommies.
Pleasant co-workers.
Work efficiency.
Night differential.
Enjoying the sunrise on the drive home.
Home. Ahh...What a distant thought.
Labels:
acceptance,
facing the music,
feeling like a grownup
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Upper Case Letter
My God is a big God. He's not the little 'g'. There's nothing little about Him.
There's nothing too hard for Him. Nothing He's not aware of. Nothing He hasn't planned for.
I can trust Him with all of me. And for that reason alone I live.
There's nothing too hard for Him. Nothing He's not aware of. Nothing He hasn't planned for.
I can trust Him with all of me. And for that reason alone I live.
Emotions Taking Me Over...
Today is the 100 day mark to the biggest day of my life. But worry wart me saw nothing but things unaccomplished. There are a lot of things pending, but I thank God for His word. It never fails. Today I choose to celebrate Your goodness and faithfulness toward me and Floyd. Our love exists only by Your hand and I am grateful for it.
God I am overwhelmed with losing weight, working two jobs, going to school, moving out and planning a wedding. But I trust that I can go forward with your plan because it's the plan I've submitted to your will. I know that I am blessed beyond measure because You love me beyond measure. Help me to see things the was You see them and cause me to walk in faith knowing You will give me the desires of my heart as I diligently seek you. In Jesus' name.
Amen.
God I am overwhelmed with losing weight, working two jobs, going to school, moving out and planning a wedding. But I trust that I can go forward with your plan because it's the plan I've submitted to your will. I know that I am blessed beyond measure because You love me beyond measure. Help me to see things the was You see them and cause me to walk in faith knowing You will give me the desires of my heart as I diligently seek you. In Jesus' name.
Amen.
Labels:
i believe,
pushin and pressin,
stop tripping
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Big Queen, Little Princess
I've noticed a change in myself over the past couple months. It's something that most people say happens inevitably and I figured since I'm so special, it wouldn't happen to me. But I'm not as different as I think.
I'm turning into my mother.
When you're young, that's a bad thing because all you see are the bad attributes of your parents. Not to mention the fact that we all want to be individuals and leave our own stamp on the world. But now I'm proud to be little Phyllis. She's strong, beautiful, accomplished, well respected and loved. My mom leaves a positive impression on all those she meets with her outgoing personality. She'll tell you like it T.I. is and still do anything she can to help you. And yes, sometimes she can be a little too harsh, but it's in love. I can't remember a time in my history where there hasn't been someone living with us, or someone she hasn't cooked for or given advice to. Someone she hasn't worried about or tried to help in some way. My mom loves and loves hard, often in spite of herself. I'm happy to have these traits, and I hope to continue to develop them so I can reach my life goal: changing the world. If I am partially blessed with the love, respect, and truth my mom has, my life will be worth living. Her sacrifices for me and her family are immeasurable. I am favored by God to have grown up to watch and participate in her life. Any other mother just wouldn't do!
Yes, sometimes I stop myself and laugh because I never knew it would happen. But now I'm happy it did. Thank you mommy, from the bottom of my heart.
I'm turning into my mother.
When you're young, that's a bad thing because all you see are the bad attributes of your parents. Not to mention the fact that we all want to be individuals and leave our own stamp on the world. But now I'm proud to be little Phyllis. She's strong, beautiful, accomplished, well respected and loved. My mom leaves a positive impression on all those she meets with her outgoing personality. She'll tell you like it T.I. is and still do anything she can to help you. And yes, sometimes she can be a little too harsh, but it's in love. I can't remember a time in my history where there hasn't been someone living with us, or someone she hasn't cooked for or given advice to. Someone she hasn't worried about or tried to help in some way. My mom loves and loves hard, often in spite of herself. I'm happy to have these traits, and I hope to continue to develop them so I can reach my life goal: changing the world. If I am partially blessed with the love, respect, and truth my mom has, my life will be worth living. Her sacrifices for me and her family are immeasurable. I am favored by God to have grown up to watch and participate in her life. Any other mother just wouldn't do!
Yes, sometimes I stop myself and laugh because I never knew it would happen. But now I'm happy it did. Thank you mommy, from the bottom of my heart.
Labels:
acceptance,
I'm so grateful,
spreading my wings
Monday, March 15, 2010
Mister SupaStar Himself
Hanging out on Facebook today and came across an article and video link in my news feed. Guess who it was? Rob aka SupaStar City aka City P aka my high school ex.
WOW!!
I was truly speechless. Not in the bad way, of course, but I was sent down memory lane circa 2002. It's so interesting to see that although our worlds collided for quite sometime, our lives look so different today. I'm happy that he's achieving and making things happen. He's always been a talented writer. Very creative. And always had the desire to express himself lyrically. Obviously, we've both moved on with our lives, but when I look at him, I don't see the same person from 2002. Not in a bad way. Just different. Cultivated. Seasoned. Grown up. 2002 doesn't equal 2010, but that's okay. I think in the process of 8 years we've both learned to just do you. And it's paid off.
Would he have been living this dream if I were still in the picture? Probably not. But then again, that's probably why I'm not in the picture. I love my life, he loves his life, and I respect him for it. Always have and always will. And I wish him the best.
To life and love. God bless you Rob!
WOW!!
I was truly speechless. Not in the bad way, of course, but I was sent down memory lane circa 2002. It's so interesting to see that although our worlds collided for quite sometime, our lives look so different today. I'm happy that he's achieving and making things happen. He's always been a talented writer. Very creative. And always had the desire to express himself lyrically. Obviously, we've both moved on with our lives, but when I look at him, I don't see the same person from 2002. Not in a bad way. Just different. Cultivated. Seasoned. Grown up. 2002 doesn't equal 2010, but that's okay. I think in the process of 8 years we've both learned to just do you. And it's paid off.
Would he have been living this dream if I were still in the picture? Probably not. But then again, that's probably why I'm not in the picture. I love my life, he loves his life, and I respect him for it. Always have and always will. And I wish him the best.
To life and love. God bless you Rob!
Labels:
flashback,
happy trails to you...,
moving forward
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Wedding's in the Air...
Don't know why, but I'm starting to get excited about the wedding again!! All the little pieces are starting to come together and all the parts are becoming whole. I'm still nervous that something's gonna go wrong, but hey, you can't control everything. 112 days my friends. Hope to see you there!!
Labels:
skipping through the tulips,
worth the wait,
yippee
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Say No To Your Brain
Praise God for the ability to reason and think, but sometimes I feel the need to turn this thing off. Too often the best things happen for me when I move out of my own way and just live.
Labels:
i've been thinking,
revelation,
spreading my wings
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Street Fighter
Depression is rampant!!
Let's all just give the devil a karate kick to the chest and stop believing His lies!! Maybe it bothers me because I know what it feels like to be pinned down by depression. You feel weak and worthless. Then it becomes all you know and living a normal life at that point is abnormal.
But enough is enough!! I don't want to play with the devil anymore. And I know that makes me a target for the enemy's camp, but it's time to strap up and fight because the slow and painful death I'm watching your soul go through is killing me oh so softly.
God help me to be more than I am today. Even as I battle for my own life help me to fight for the lives of those around me. Open my mouth to declare your word and push back the hand of the enemy. I need strength, courage and boldness.
Let's all just give the devil a karate kick to the chest and stop believing His lies!! Maybe it bothers me because I know what it feels like to be pinned down by depression. You feel weak and worthless. Then it becomes all you know and living a normal life at that point is abnormal.
But enough is enough!! I don't want to play with the devil anymore. And I know that makes me a target for the enemy's camp, but it's time to strap up and fight because the slow and painful death I'm watching your soul go through is killing me oh so softly.
God help me to be more than I am today. Even as I battle for my own life help me to fight for the lives of those around me. Open my mouth to declare your word and push back the hand of the enemy. I need strength, courage and boldness.
Labels:
facing the music,
kung fu fighting,
overdue
MCI Commercial
Do I really want to reach out and touch your hand? My actions at this point say no, but I feel obligated to do so. Matter of fact, it's my duty. What good am I to have been blessed with the knowledge of God and His word, yet hoard understanding for me and mine? That's straight up wrong. And I'm sorry. To both God and you.
Labels:
smh,
wake up call,
We've come this far by faith
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
My Own Worst Critic
Is it because I have such high expectations for myself or the fact that I really don't have what it takes? Either way, I'm failing in my own book and I'm pretty pooped about it. Everything isn't bad, but life is about quality in my book. I have to do a better job of not only challenging myself, but motivating myself to follow through. I'm the only one that loses when I don't.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Getting Caught Up
Today while I was thinking about some things that have been heavy on my heart, I decided to do something I haven't done in a long time. I began to declare the word of God over my life and the situation.
"God I thank you for your faithfulness. I prayed for Your will to be done and I trust that you will show Yourself strong. You love me and Your word over me is yes and amen. I have the victory and I will overcome because greater is He that is in me than He that is in the world."
It's something about stopping and thinking about who God is and what He's done that just changes the atmosphere.
Then I had to take it to Rene's version of Lord You are Awesome. When you hit that bridge, you just fly.
Nobody like you Lord...My Friend, deliverer, my healer, way maker...You are Awesome!!
Getting caught up with God has no special recipe. You have to just learn to let go. So no matter what comes, I'm learning to put a praise right there, because my God never fails.
"God I thank you for your faithfulness. I prayed for Your will to be done and I trust that you will show Yourself strong. You love me and Your word over me is yes and amen. I have the victory and I will overcome because greater is He that is in me than He that is in the world."
It's something about stopping and thinking about who God is and what He's done that just changes the atmosphere.
Then I had to take it to Rene's version of Lord You are Awesome. When you hit that bridge, you just fly.
Nobody like you Lord...My Friend, deliverer, my healer, way maker...You are Awesome!!
Getting caught up with God has no special recipe. You have to just learn to let go. So no matter what comes, I'm learning to put a praise right there, because my God never fails.
Yield to Oncoming Traffic
Moving to Walnut Creek is a huge blessing to me. But I am realizing that blessings can be attached to challenges. I know I can be stuck in my ways and I'm not the best when it comes to change. This time I want things to be different, though. Usually when I'm presented with a challenge I run the other way. Quite willingly I might add. But as I learn what it means to be a mature woman of character and integrity, I have to be willing to take the good with the bad. In learning the differences, I am learning more about me.
No matter how difficult, I am holding fast to where God has me because the best place to be is in the will of God.
No matter how difficult, I am holding fast to where God has me because the best place to be is in the will of God.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Happy Trails to You...Hope We Meet Again
I started my first week at Kaiser Walnut Creek after getting a transfer from Kaiser Santa Clara. And although I wanted to be closer to home, I didn't want to leave SCL. God, can't you just pickup the hospital and transplant it 50 miles closer to home, please (yes, I was a driving fool!)?
I do miss my Kaiser SCL family, but I am sure that I have something to do in Walnut Creek. My goal is to be a blessing wherever I am. I wish and pray blessings to all my girls in SCL. Jo-Jo, Sherry, Irene, Trix, and all the rest of the lovely ladies that make up admitting. God bless you until we meet again!
I do miss my Kaiser SCL family, but I am sure that I have something to do in Walnut Creek. My goal is to be a blessing wherever I am. I wish and pray blessings to all my girls in SCL. Jo-Jo, Sherry, Irene, Trix, and all the rest of the lovely ladies that make up admitting. God bless you until we meet again!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Well Done, Please
As I was driving to work today I started thinking about all the things I'd left undone in my life. Relationships, life issues, school projects. All of these together make up some jacked up patch quilt that has done nothing but leave me cold and lonely for so long. The monster under my bed is fear, and it's kept me from finishing things. I'm tired of eating the rare done meat of life, thinking time will change things. It doesn't work, though, because I end up sick every time.
I'm ready for my soul to be well. Been ready for a long time. I've been balancing on one foot as the other prepares to take the step into big girl-hood, but my apprehensions keep me back and unsteady.
I ready to partake in some well done meat. Can you stop by and help me cook?
I'm ready for my soul to be well. Been ready for a long time. I've been balancing on one foot as the other prepares to take the step into big girl-hood, but my apprehensions keep me back and unsteady.
I ready to partake in some well done meat. Can you stop by and help me cook?
Labels:
a long time coming,
i've been thinking
Sunday, February 14, 2010
The Love Day
Let me first send a shout out to all my single people out there, feeling pressured to get a temporary boo for 24 hours or less. Coming from someone who lived the single life, fight the powers that be. Today will be over before you know it.
As for all the others (and the single people who aren't hating) I was surprised with a Vday gift from my lover. I thought we decided on doing nothing this year to save money, but he got me something anyway. I think I whined one too many times and he gave in. The trip, though, was that I had actually become okay (about 1022 Saturday morning 02/13) with not getting anything.
But to stay true to the blog, allow the love of God to hold your heart. That is real love. Don't settle for the substitutes. And when He's done loving on you, love Him back. He deserves all of it and more.
Happy Vday to the one I adore.
My beloved. My amour.
As for all the others (and the single people who aren't hating) I was surprised with a Vday gift from my lover. I thought we decided on doing nothing this year to save money, but he got me something anyway. I think I whined one too many times and he gave in. The trip, though, was that I had actually become okay (about 1022 Saturday morning 02/13) with not getting anything.
But to stay true to the blog, allow the love of God to hold your heart. That is real love. Don't settle for the substitutes. And when He's done loving on you, love Him back. He deserves all of it and more.
Happy Vday to the one I adore.
My beloved. My amour.
Labels:
i love my God,
i love my man,
real love
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
The Game of Love
Love has stages. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it's fun and sometimes it's a chore. Sometimes it's a whole bunch of stuff mixed together. But either way, through laughs or tears, it is a blessing.
Know that if you care enough to show your love to those around you, it changes their lives for the better. Stay in the game. All who play with true love are winners in the end, no matter the outcome.
Know that if you care enough to show your love to those around you, it changes their lives for the better. Stay in the game. All who play with true love are winners in the end, no matter the outcome.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Coming Into My Own
I've been hiding behind the shadows of others for quite a while, letting them do the thinking and talking for me. I'm starting to feel like my words, my presence actually matters. Instead of being passive-aggressive, I just want to be normal. If it's a spade, it's a spade. And I'm gonna tell it. I'm ready to stand on my own to feet and show the world what Niesha Nicole is made of!
Labels:
a long time coming,
feeling like a grownup
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Making Time Count
I went to one of my fav fast food restaurants last week (Panda) and received a nice note from my fortune cookie. Okay, I know you're probably already pleading the blood, but listen. So the fortune cookie read, "Instead of counting your time, you should make your time count."
BAM!!
So although I may still be watching the clock (149, thank you very much), there's so much that's still left undone. I've gotta make these last days count. Getting stuff done for the wedding is one thing, but getting my life right is the way I choose to make my time count. Getting healthy, praying, studying, start back fasting. All the things I need to do to not just believe I can be a good wife, but living the good wife life.
BAM!!
So although I may still be watching the clock (149, thank you very much), there's so much that's still left undone. I've gotta make these last days count. Getting stuff done for the wedding is one thing, but getting my life right is the way I choose to make my time count. Getting healthy, praying, studying, start back fasting. All the things I need to do to not just believe I can be a good wife, but living the good wife life.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Looking Mighty Fine There!
Since the beginning of the year, I have started losing weight. I don't want to look like a whale on my BIG day. The day I've been waiting for my whole life. So far, I've lost 11 pounds!
One of my co-workers said: "Something about you looks different. Have you lost weight?" I wanted to say, "yea, that's right buddy," but I smiled and answered truthfully with great pride!! I have at least 20 to go, but I can see some progress. The side profile is looking a lot better!! No more saggy gut here. And once I actually start going to the gym, it's OVER!! Watch out yellow polka dot bikini, here I come!!
One of my co-workers said: "Something about you looks different. Have you lost weight?" I wanted to say, "yea, that's right buddy," but I smiled and answered truthfully with great pride!! I have at least 20 to go, but I can see some progress. The side profile is looking a lot better!! No more saggy gut here. And once I actually start going to the gym, it's OVER!! Watch out yellow polka dot bikini, here I come!!
Monday, January 18, 2010
My Girls
It was really hard for me to choose people to be in the wedding. I really don't have a lot of close friends and I really wanted people to be apart of this that would have my back and be apart of mine and Floyd's lives for years to come. To this day I'm not as close to all of them as I would like to be, but I trust them and love them. Each of them knows a different side of me. Each relationship is unique. But love is multifaceted.
I wanted to take this opportunity to show some love to the girls that are showing their love for me. All my whining and indecisiveness, well if you know me... :) I am honored and blessed that they agreed to be apart of this day with me. I am already forever grateful. To them and God. Who would have ever thought?
Here's the girls that will have my back and all four sides on my wedding day. I genuinely love and appreciate them. I'm looking forward to growth, kids, and long laughs on the porch when we get old.
Jasmine and I are cousins. We were both in different places in our lives for a long time, but we ended up at the Well together, broken and ready to be fixed. I've watched God change her life (literally) and in the process our relationship has grown as well. She has a heart for God that no one will ever quite understand. She's extremely funny and so much fun to be around. She will keep our spirits light with her jokes and her demon slaying!
Raylina is my God sister. We shared a couch bed in high school. I've seen her go through so much in her life, but never seen her bow, throw in the towel or even entertain the thought of giving up. She's the closest thing I've had to a sister. I love her. What else can I say? I know if anything ever went down, she would always be in my corner doing whatever she could to help. What else is family for?
We met a few years ago at Georgetown. I'm happy we had the chance to meet again because I was given the opportunity to know her. This girl's walk tells a story. She's like a living storybook. When I say she's an iceberg, it's because there's so much to her, but you don't know it because it's underneath the surface. I love the lightness of her spirit. She's easy like Sunday morning. Beautiful, smart, and very unique.

This is my soul sistah! We met back in 2004 when I joined the dance team. She always seemed so free, so fun. I don't know when our relationship picked up, but I always looked up to her because she had that special, unique relationship with God that most of us only dream about. Angelica can see past the stuff I use to block people out and pinpoint exactly what's going on with me. And she doesn't stop there. She'll pray me through. Priceless!

Ashley and I met through Antonio back in 2005. She's an individual, strong and able to take charge. She's so small and quiet, I always thought she was fragile. Truth is, I'm the one that's fragile. She's encouraged me and been a true example when it comes to being your own person, and living to the beat of your own drum, not someone else's. I admire her character and I am blessed to know her. Not to mention the fact that she's beautiful and talented!!
Grain of Salt
Had another wedding nightmare last night. I fell asleep on January 17th and woke up on July 3rd. Nothing was ready. Like a fast forward gone wrong. Wrong dress, wrong location and no photographer. I woke up this morning (January 18th, that is) and found that I really don't have a wedding photographer. I felt my anger rising and I was going to tell him how wrong he was, but I just felt like it wasn't a fight worth fighting. God knew before I did that this would happen, so I trust He will provide. I will control my emotions. They will not ruin my life.
Lord, help me continue to take life with a grain of salt because nothing is too hard for You.
Lord, help me continue to take life with a grain of salt because nothing is too hard for You.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Security
My heart jumps within me
Because in the silence of your smile
Your eyes tell me I'm more than enough
I've run all my life
For a love like this
But was left to chase lust
At the lack of the real thing
I think I'll stay awhile
Hang some pictures
Put down some roots
And let the fertile soil
Bring fruit to my tree.
Because in the silence of your smile
Your eyes tell me I'm more than enough
I've run all my life
For a love like this
But was left to chase lust
At the lack of the real thing
I think I'll stay awhile
Hang some pictures
Put down some roots
And let the fertile soil
Bring fruit to my tree.
Labels:
i love my man,
jammin' on the 1,
ooh wee
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Emotions Taking Me Over
So I was told recently that I'm emotional. And thinking about it, long and hard, I have to agree. I can jump to conclusions very quickly. I can easily become upset, frustrated, hurt. But I want my legacy in my relationships, my marriage, and my life to reflect the good emotions.
I want you to know how I truly feel about you. That I love you and want nothing more than the best for your life. No matter what. Past, present and future. So my goal is to be more transparent, get in touch with my feminine side and hope my heart isn't dropped in the process.
I want you to know how I truly feel about you. That I love you and want nothing more than the best for your life. No matter what. Past, present and future. So my goal is to be more transparent, get in touch with my feminine side and hope my heart isn't dropped in the process.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Nightmares of the Wedding Kind
Last night I had one of the worst nightmares ever.
The wedding fell apart to bits. Literally.
We were getting married at some church I'd never seen by some pastor I'd never met. None of our family and friends were there, just a big ol' group of people I didn't know. My dress and hair were ugly, I didn't have any bridesmaids..I could go on. Every single thing went wrong! The pastor didn't even have us recite vows. We just exchanged rings and he said we were husband and wife! I kept telling everyone "this isn't right" but they would shake their heads and shrug their shoulders and say, "it's okay, it doesn't matter."
How do you say scary in Spanish!?!
The wedding fell apart to bits. Literally.
We were getting married at some church I'd never seen by some pastor I'd never met. None of our family and friends were there, just a big ol' group of people I didn't know. My dress and hair were ugly, I didn't have any bridesmaids..I could go on. Every single thing went wrong! The pastor didn't even have us recite vows. We just exchanged rings and he said we were husband and wife! I kept telling everyone "this isn't right" but they would shake their heads and shrug their shoulders and say, "it's okay, it doesn't matter."
How do you say scary in Spanish!?!
Friday, January 8, 2010
Breaking Up is So Hard To Do

Labels:
aww man,
moving forward,
overdue
Facing the Giants
This week has been a lesson indeed! I've really been hitting it hard trying to get these wedding plans off the ground. This year has been a successful one, although busy. I have a feeling that the floodgate is about to bust open in my life, but I'm going to have to fight to get and keep what God has for me. But I'm swimming in grace and God is covering me on every side. I'm encouraged!!
Lessons Learned:
1. Being broke doesn't mean being broken.
2. God is still a miracle worker! (Shout out to Jonathen!).
3. People may not be able to complete what you ask of them, even with the best intentions.
4. It's a hard road to remain positive if you've had a negative mindset ever since you can remember.
5. God isn't just love, or faithful, but He is my friend.
6. I can remain a new creation if I remain in Christ Jesus.
Lessons Learned:
1. Being broke doesn't mean being broken.
2. God is still a miracle worker! (Shout out to Jonathen!).
3. People may not be able to complete what you ask of them, even with the best intentions.
4. It's a hard road to remain positive if you've had a negative mindset ever since you can remember.
5. God isn't just love, or faithful, but He is my friend.
6. I can remain a new creation if I remain in Christ Jesus.
Labels:
pushin and pressin,
smiley face
Monday, January 4, 2010
A Lyrical Genius
Can I drop this on you real quick? If you don't know this writer, you should get to know her. She's another iceberg, yet to be discovered. I am moved by her words. She is lovely in every aspect of the word. So poetic, so emotional, so true to life. Check her out at:
http://andshewillberadio.blogspot.com/
http://andshewillberadio.blogspot.com/
The Heart of the Matter
So often I look at my life as unsuccessful. Unimportant even. But what is the true measure of success? The true measure of importance? So many people I grew up with are all over the place now. Life happened. Desires that lay within their hearts consumed them. Hurt, frustrations, and simply just another standard of living slows their pace and the dreams and goals they once had are distant memories. You can see it in their faces. Hear it in their voices. The longing for more, but no means to get there.
I would have been there, too. I feel the pull everyday. To stop striving for more, to settle for less than, to give up. I realize the power of Jesus Christ in my life to change me, strengthen me and empower me. It's really not me when you see goodness in my life. It's the God in me. My hope, my salvation, my life. It all belongs to Him. And once you get down to the heart of the matter, He's all that really matters. If it were up to me, I'd be chasing after the things that are fleeting. But God has shown me to store up things that are everlasting. This is why I dedicate my life to Him. Without Him, there would be no me, no life, nothing good to speak of. I'd probably have a kid right now, depressed, caught up in some drama, blaming everyone else for my problems. This isn't to say that everyone who has these issues should be judged. This is to say that Christ saved me from myself. I would have done something that wasn't in God's plan for me to do and ended up going where I shouldn't have gone.
Despite it's difficulties and challenges my life is worth living. There are so many things for me to do and achieve. I am forever grateful that my eyes were opened to the other option. Where would I be without your grace, God?
I would have been there, too. I feel the pull everyday. To stop striving for more, to settle for less than, to give up. I realize the power of Jesus Christ in my life to change me, strengthen me and empower me. It's really not me when you see goodness in my life. It's the God in me. My hope, my salvation, my life. It all belongs to Him. And once you get down to the heart of the matter, He's all that really matters. If it were up to me, I'd be chasing after the things that are fleeting. But God has shown me to store up things that are everlasting. This is why I dedicate my life to Him. Without Him, there would be no me, no life, nothing good to speak of. I'd probably have a kid right now, depressed, caught up in some drama, blaming everyone else for my problems. This isn't to say that everyone who has these issues should be judged. This is to say that Christ saved me from myself. I would have done something that wasn't in God's plan for me to do and ended up going where I shouldn't have gone.
Despite it's difficulties and challenges my life is worth living. There are so many things for me to do and achieve. I am forever grateful that my eyes were opened to the other option. Where would I be without your grace, God?
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I'm so grateful,
revelation,
thank you jesus
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