Looking Mighty Fine There!

Since the beginning of the year, I have started losing weight. I don't want to look like a whale on my BIG day. The day I've been waiting for my whole life. So far, I've lost 11 pounds!

One of my co-workers said: "Something about you looks different. Have you lost weight?" I wanted to say, "yea, that's right buddy," but I smiled and answered truthfully with great pride!! I have at least 20 to go, but I can see some progress. The side profile is looking a lot better!! No more saggy gut here. And once I actually start going to the gym, it's OVER!! Watch out yellow polka dot bikini, here I come!!

My Girls

It was really hard for me to choose people to be in the wedding. I really don't have a lot of close friends and I really wanted people to be apart of this that would have my back and be apart of mine and Floyd's lives for years to come. To this day I'm not as close to all of them as I would like to be, but I trust them and love them. Each of them knows a different side of me. Each relationship is unique. But love is multifaceted.

I wanted to take this opportunity to show some love to the girls that are showing their love for me. All my whining and indecisiveness, well if you know me... :) I am honored and blessed that they agreed to be apart of this day with me. I am already forever grateful. To them and God. Who would have ever thought?

Here's the girls that will have my back and all four sides on my wedding day. I genuinely love and appreciate them. I'm looking forward to growth, kids, and long laughs on the porch when we get old.

Jasmine, the eccentric, the loyal.

Jasmine and I are cousins. We were both in different places in our lives for a long time, but we ended up at the Well together, broken and ready to be fixed. I've watched God change her life (literally) and in the process our relationship has grown as well. She has a heart for God that no one will ever quite understand. She's extremely funny and so much fun to be around. She will keep our spirits light with her jokes and her demon slaying!

Raylina, the lover, the fighter.

Raylina is my God sister. We shared a couch bed in high school. I've seen her go through so much in her life, but never seen her bow, throw in the towel or even entertain the thought of giving up. She's the closest thing I've had to a sister. I love her. What else can I say? I know if anything ever went down, she would always be in my corner doing whatever she could to help. What else is family for?

Dahlia, the poet, the iceberg.

We met a few years ago at Georgetown. I'm happy we had the chance to meet again because I was given the opportunity to know her. This girl's walk tells a story. She's like a living storybook. When I say she's an iceberg, it's because there's so much to her, but you don't know it because it's underneath the surface. I love the lightness of her spirit. She's easy like Sunday morning. Beautiful, smart, and very unique.

Angelica, the free spirit, the beloved.

This is my soul sistah! We met back in 2004 when I joined the dance team. She always seemed so free, so fun. I don't know when our relationship picked up, but I always looked up to her because she had that special, unique relationship with God that most of us only dream about. Angelica can see past the stuff I use to block people out and pinpoint exactly what's going on with me. And she doesn't stop there. She'll pray me through. Priceless!



Ashley, the artist, the silent killer.

Ashley and I met through Antonio back in 2005. She's an individual, strong and able to take charge. She's so small and quiet, I always thought she was fragile. Truth is, I'm the one that's fragile. She's encouraged me and been a true example when it comes to being your own person, and living to the beat of your own drum, not someone else's. I admire her character and I am blessed to know her. Not to mention the fact that she's beautiful and talented!!

Grain of Salt

Had another wedding nightmare last night. I fell asleep on January 17th and woke up on July 3rd. Nothing was ready. Like a fast forward gone wrong. Wrong dress, wrong location and no photographer. I woke up this morning (January 18th, that is) and found that I really don't have a wedding photographer. I felt my anger rising and I was going to tell him how wrong he was, but I just felt like it wasn't a fight worth fighting. God knew before I did that this would happen, so I trust He will provide. I will control my emotions. They will not ruin my life.

Lord, help me continue to take life with a grain of salt because nothing is too hard for You.

Security

My heart jumps within me
Because in the silence of your smile
Your eyes tell me I'm more than enough
I've run all my life
For a love like this
But was left to chase lust
At the lack of the real thing

I think I'll stay awhile
Hang some pictures
Put down some roots
And let the fertile soil
Bring fruit to my tree.

Emotions Taking Me Over

So I was told recently that I'm emotional. And thinking about it, long and hard, I have to agree. I can jump to conclusions very quickly. I can easily become upset, frustrated, hurt. But I want my legacy in my relationships, my marriage, and my life to reflect the good emotions.

I want you to know how I truly feel about you. That I love you and want nothing more than the best for your life. No matter what. Past, present and future. So my goal is to be more transparent, get in touch with my feminine side and hope my heart isn't dropped in the process.

Nightmares of the Wedding Kind

Last night I had one of the worst nightmares ever.

The wedding fell apart to bits. Literally.

We were getting married at some church I'd never seen by some pastor I'd never met. None of our family and friends were there, just a big ol' group of people I didn't know. My dress and hair were ugly, I didn't have any bridesmaids..I could go on. Every single thing went wrong! The pastor didn't even have us recite vows. We just exchanged rings and he said we were husband and wife! I kept telling everyone "this isn't right" but they would shake their heads and shrug their shoulders and say, "it's okay, it doesn't matter."

How do you say scary in Spanish!?!

Breaking Up is So Hard To Do

Imma miss you Macy's. We had good times together. But you did me dirty. Therefore, you have been cut up and cut off. I really wish it didn't have to end this way. It's not me, it's you. We need time apart. I need to learn to pay cash and you need to learn to treat your customers better. Maybe we'll meet again, I don't know. I'll think of you every time I hear one day sale. May even stop by for a visit sometime. But for now, please give me my space. It's been real.

Facing the Giants

This week has been a lesson indeed! I've really been hitting it hard trying to get these wedding plans off the ground. This year has been a successful one, although busy. I have a feeling that the floodgate is about to bust open in my life, but I'm going to have to fight to get and keep what God has for me. But I'm swimming in grace and God is covering me on every side. I'm encouraged!!

Lessons Learned:
1. Being broke doesn't mean being broken.
2. God is still a miracle worker! (Shout out to Jonathen!).
3. People may not be able to complete what you ask of them, even with the best intentions.
4. It's a hard road to remain positive if you've had a negative mindset ever since you can remember.
5. God isn't just love, or faithful, but He is my friend.
6. I can remain a new creation if I remain in Christ Jesus.

A Lyrical Genius

Can I drop this on you real quick? If you don't know this writer, you should get to know her. She's another iceberg, yet to be discovered. I am moved by her words. She is lovely in every aspect of the word. So poetic, so emotional, so true to life. Check her out at:

http://andshewillberadio.blogspot.com/

The Heart of the Matter

So often I look at my life as unsuccessful. Unimportant even. But what is the true measure of success? The true measure of importance? So many people I grew up with are all over the place now. Life happened. Desires that lay within their hearts consumed them. Hurt, frustrations, and simply just another standard of living slows their pace and the dreams and goals they once had are distant memories. You can see it in their faces. Hear it in their voices. The longing for more, but no means to get there.

I would have been there, too. I feel the pull everyday. To stop striving for more, to settle for less than, to give up. I realize the power of Jesus Christ in my life to change me, strengthen me and empower me. It's really not me when you see goodness in my life. It's the God in me. My hope, my salvation, my life. It all belongs to Him. And once you get down to the heart of the matter, He's all that really matters. If it were up to me, I'd be chasing after the things that are fleeting. But God has shown me to store up things that are everlasting. This is why I dedicate my life to Him. Without Him, there would be no me, no life, nothing good to speak of. I'd probably have a kid right now, depressed, caught up in some drama, blaming everyone else for my problems. This isn't to say that everyone who has these issues should be judged. This is to say that Christ saved me from myself. I would have done something that wasn't in God's plan for me to do and ended up going where I shouldn't have gone.

Despite it's difficulties and challenges my life is worth living. There are so many things for me to do and achieve. I am forever grateful that my eyes were opened to the other option. Where would I be without your grace, God?